Finished 05/03/2023

Superhuman Social Skills

Tynan

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• Psychology

Found thanks to a very interesting blog post about communication. In the end it was a nice read. It opened my eyes to a couple of things, but I did not take home that much. I give it 4 stars because I saw clear improvements in how I communicate once I finished it, so it was very useful, especially on one key point.

Notes

• People stick around you because of how you make them feel. If you do nothing, they feel nothing.
• Do not hide for fear of looking bad or exposing yourself. It may go badly, often it goes well, but being a neutral participant will not help you make new friends. You have to put yourself out there.
• There are 4 levels of communication when we speak
  1. Content, of course
  2. Meta (the focus of the book and the one I tend to miss)
  3. Emotions (the feelings of the person speaking, and the tone)
  4. Status (the leader of a group speaks differently)
• The key to understanding the meta channel is that it is active all the time. There is a universe of meta-meanings behind everything. Always ask yourself why someone said this.
• All groups have a hierarchy, with a leader and followers. Identify this hierarchy when you interact.
• State your opinion, even and especially if it is something strong (but not negative). Get noticed.
• Your first goal when you meet someone is to show how interesting you are. Tell a story that puts you in a good light without blatantly bragging.
• A story has a setup, buildup, and payoff. We are magnetically drawn to this structure.
• Always leave room for the other person with questions and attentive listening. Tell the story and then give them an assist to continue, perhaps with open questions.
• Be positive, a positive person is much more memorable. Be the person your friends can introduce with pride.
• It is not too hard to be a good friend. Be punctual. Be honest. Be decisive, do the things you say you will do.
• To become a leader in your group of friends you need to be proactive and not be afraid to make your voice heard and propose things. Put yourself out there.