12/07/2024

Personal Notes about Simply Said

“Simply Said” is the best communication book I’ve read recently. I discovered it thanks to Jordan Cutler (who runs an amazing tech newsletter) and at first, I considered it a standard communications book. Things like “listen to others,” “be positive,” blah blah.

I was wrong. “Simply Said” is much more than that. That’s why I condensed most of its wisdom into this blog post, and I hope it will inspire you to read it as well.

It’s the first book I’ve found that takes a real deep dive into complex communication contexts, from giving a speech to thousands of people to making a toast to your lifelong buddy, and every-single-time it gives solid tips. The author, Jay Sullivan, runs a consultancy firm to train executives in improving their communication skills, and you can see the pragmatism and real-life stories shining through his words. This guy knows his stuff.

Writing this kind of post takes a while. I have to skim through all the notes I scribbled down, then rephrase them in a way that makes sense for someone who isn’t reading the book. If you find some parts confusing or badly written, please send me a message so I can learn from your feedback!

Legend:

⭐ Key chapter

❓ Less impactful chapter

Key takeaways

The main takeaway of the book is “Focus on others”. Be ready to read these words dozens of times.

That’s because people don’t care about YOU; they care about themselves.

So, when talking to them, you need to explain why this benefits them and why they should invest their time in listening to you. Sullivan is quite repetitive on this, but he always provides practical examples to highlight the importance of this principle.

“Simply Said” is divided into five parts, each with its own key focus:

Part 1 covers Sullivan’s general tips for making presentations that grab—and keep—the audience’s attention
Part 2 discusses his tips for effective oral communication, including how to apply these ideas to different situations
Part 3 focuses on improving your written communication in documents and emails

The final chapters were a bit outside of my comfort zone because I’m not a manager. I still found a lot of useful information (though I took fewer notes):

Part 4: interactions in meetings or in group activities
Part 5: leadership advices and long-term planning

cover

📌 Section 1: Your Content

1. Conveying a Clear Message

The first chapter introduces the basics for planning a discussion or a talk. Start with the main message, because most of the time people don’t even know what they want to achieve. Whenever you are participating in a discussion, craft a clear message that you want to stick in your interlocutor’s mind. One simple message that respects these rules:

Short (ideally 10 words long)
Simple Language
Focused on the needs of the audience: what they need to know and do with this information?

Bonus tips:

Remember, it’s about them, not you. When beginning a conversation, start with what’s in front of you for any topic to discuss, and continue involving the other person
When people ask what you do for a living, don’t just state your title. Instead of saying “BI Analyst,” say “I design and build strategic reports”

2. Telling Engaging Stories

People love stories; stories are the things that get stuck in our minds because it’s a pattern our brain has learned to follow. To convey our messages, telling them as a story will make them 10, 100 times more powerful. Storytelling is a powerful weapon at our disposal.

Sullivan provides examples of successful storytelling, starting from the fact that every story has a beginning, middle, and end.

Beginning: The setup, such as “Last week I was in the office”—where and when the action happens
Middle: The struggle, building tension. Only include the crucial details
End: The final takeaway. It should be a consequence of the middle section; you can even highlight that the point of the story is this one

Some ground rules:

Do not go negative
Do not make fun of other people
Don’t try to be funny unless you are confident in your skills
Don’t exaggerate

3. Organizing Your Content

Now that you have the message, you need to plan your strategy. There are three aspects to consider:

The audience’s needs
The key message (see Chapter 1)
Your purpose

The first point is crucial for getting the attention of the listener. People don’t care about you at first, so you need to immediately give them what they are here for. Example: you have to talk with your boss. You should begin with what you know will set him in the right mood, e.g., “Everything is on track” or “We have a problem.” Set the conversation immediately, then proceed with your message.

For longer discussions, such as a presentation, Sullivan provides a couple of structural architectures:

Informative Roadmap: A classic structure with Context, Agenda, Topic 1, 2, 3, Final Summary, and Next Steps.
Persuasive Roadmap: Used for convincing someone, it uses Context, Recommendation (key message first!), Benefit, Prove Benefit 1, 2, 3, Final Summary, and Next Steps.

Tip: When creating the presentation, ocus on the key message first, not the opening. That’s what the presentation is all about and will help overcome writer’s block.

🗣 Section 2: Oral Communication Skills

4. Making the Most of Your Body Language (⭐)

Most people are afraid of “public speaking,” but every conversation is public! We always talk with someone. The secret of this book is to treat public speaking just like a normal conversation between you and someone else, and you typically don’t have fear with that.

The key is to be PRESENT to your audience: people who listen to you want to know that they have your attention. So, first of all, focus on THEM and don’t look distracted or disconnected. How?

Eye Contact Do not scan your audience; your brain can’t process so much information while talking, and you risk panicking or getting confused. ⭐ Make eye contact with one person at a time for a complete sentence, about 5-7 seconds. It takes less energy to be nice to everyone than to figure out who you need to be nice to. So, looking at all the people in the room in the eye, one by one, slowly, will have several benefits. It will calm you, help avoid distractions, and build rapport with the audience as they see you are interested in them.
Voice:
- Slow Down: When nervous, people speak faster, making the audience feel overwhelmed
- Volume: Your goal is to be heard by people even at the back of the room. Ask for feedback about the volume
- Tone: Smile; your tone will sound more optimistic, even on the phone
- Inflection: Your voice should emphasize the important ideas you want to convey. Avoid the up-speak tone that sounds like a question. Use sharp, clear, definitive hand gestures to express yourself
Body Language:
- Hands: Keep them steady. If you keep them moving too much, you will look nervous or distracted. If you have a PC or notebook, keep your hands there. Leverage gestures: you can almost never be too distracting with gestures; they are great ways to convey attention
- Face: SMILE. You should look like you want to meet your audience
- Stance: Keep a neutral, balanced stance. Avoid closed body language (negative feeling). When seated, your energy should be directed across the table, so don’t sit all the way back in the chair. You risk being misperceived as disengaged and bored. Keep the spine vertical

5. Listening to Understand (⭐)

Again, the focus is on others, not us. How can we focus? By listening! Listening well takes energy, and we need to show the counterpart that we are attentive and care about what they say. Being a good listener is ranked as the number one skill for a top leader. Eye contact, taking notes, asking probing questions, and even the standard “mhh mhh” are all body language cues of someone interested in the conversation.

But listening is not only for others; it’s also for you. By listening, and generally asking things, you gather information you didn’t even know you didn’t know, which is, like, the point of meeting people. To achieve this, leverage open-ended questions like “How” and “Why” that prompt the other person to reflect and give a complex response, or closed-ended questions that require just a yes/no and provide a precise response. Usually, using closed-ended questions is a closing technique in sales situations, but be cautious not to self-censor with questions like “Any other challenges with this issue?” It’s easy for someone to just say no. Use the open-ended alternative like “What other challenges do you see?” This helps you drill down until you reach what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.

Another important point is that our job is to help people, so after listening to them, we need to ensure we are truly helpful. ⭐ Here are three question to ask:

How can I help? The basic way to show you listened and want to give support
What would be most helpful to you? An effective way to receive genuine and precise feedback from the other person
Would it be helpful if I…? If someone is lost, this can give them clues about what could be the next step

We all make assumptions, so to confirm what you have heard, restate the concept with an introductory phrase such as “So, if I’m hearing you correctly…” or “I think you’ve shared…” followed by a restatement of the point made and a confirming question like “Am I right?” This will avoid confusion.

6. Delivering from Notes and Visuals (⭐)

When using notes or a presentation, your main job is to make it effortless for your audience to receive the information. The strategy to keep attention high is always eye contact, so you can follow this pattern:

See it: Look at the bullet point on the slide and read it all
Save it: Remember the content as you look up from the notes
Say it: Say the point while looking at an individual in the audience

⭐ The Arc of Silence: The arc is the distance from the eyes of someone in the audience you are targeting back to the point you are reading and then to another pair of eyes. Don’t talk during that arc. All sound is delivered to a pair of eyes.

This has the benefit of maintaining power by coming across as comfortable with pauses, giving the audience time to digest what you have said, and then delivering your most important information with impact.

Pay attention to your posture: Use gestures to directly point to your points, and stand with your back parallel to the back wall of the room to keep all attention on the audience. Keep your feet planted in one spot; only pros walk around the stage.

About slides: The trick Sullivan suggests is to read what’s on the slide to the audience, and then add what’s not on each point. If it’s a list of three bullet points, use the Arc of Silence, read each point, add more context, go to the second point, add second context, and so on. You need to cover everything, and keep all the points simple. Reading every word on the slide is usually a bad sign, but if you do it like this, you will fix everything in the memory of the audience as they have two inputs: voice and visual, saying the same thing.

Balancing your slide deck can be challenging: opt for a streamlined presentation and provide a more detailed slide deck as a handout afterward. You can’t have a highly detailed document and a compelling presentation simultaneously; it’s essential to separate the two.

7. Responding to Questions (❓)

When someone asks a question, they are revealing something about themselves and their perspective on the topic. It takes courage to do this, especially in large audiences. Show respect and follow this four-step process to respond:

Listen to the entire question and allow the person to finish their question without interrupting
Gain time to think: Maintain eye contact but take a moment to gather your thoughts. You can buy time by repeating the question or using a lead-in like “Great question” or - “Interesting.” Avoid this if the question is an accusation or very direct, as it may seem insincere
Answer and reaffirm the main point
Ask for the next question and conclude with “Any other questions?”

✍ Section 3: Your Written Communication Skills

8. Editing for Clarity

Always ask yourself:

Why is the reader reading this document?
What does the reader need to do with the information I’m sharing?
How can I make it effortless for the reader to get the main message?

It’s an art: get straight to the point. Eliminate unnecessary words, such as “currently” or “as previously mentioned,” which do not add value to a sentence.

General rule: each sentence should contain one idea. Then, identify the key action in the sentence and make it the verb. For instance, if the sentence uses the verb “be” and it’s not a state, find a verb to convey the action. For example, “he made a statement that he was quitting the race” becomes “he stated that he was quitting the race.”

Regarding active or passive voice: generally, use the active form because it is more engaging, unless for special cases where you want to soften accountability (e.g., “your request has been denied” is better than “we denied you permission”) or establish a sense of high authority (e.g., rules).

9. Structuring your Documents (❓)

Why are you writing this document? Focus on the benefits of following your recommended course of action. You might have two different purposes, each with their corresponding document structure:

Persuading -> State the Main Message, Provide Background (only as needed), Expand on the Message, Conclude Quickly
Informing: -> Introduce the Subject, State Topics, Explain Each Topic in Detail, Summarize

These frameworks are in line with the concepts discussed in Chapter 3.

10. Creating Reader-Friendly Documents

Beyond the structure, here are miscellaneous tips to make your documents more reader-friendly:

Pronouns: If you notice many sentences starting with “I,” you might be making the document more about yourself than the reader
Limit sentences to a maximum of 17 words. Information becomes harder to process beyond this length
Vary sentence lengths. It’s okay if a sentence stretches to 20 words; just ensure the next paragraph is shorter, ideally under 10 words
Avoid overwhelming the reader. Structure your document into smaller, digestible chunks

11. Writing Emails That Resonate (❓)

Some email tips that can be useful:

Structure your email starting from the title. It should clearly convey the email’s topic, like “Alpha Proposal for Compliance,” instead of a generic “Follow Up Call”
Begin with the recipient’s name, e.g., “Dear Lisa,” to personalize the communication and better plan the email’s structure based on the recipient’s needs. Different individuals have different expectations regarding emails
Manage expectations by clearly stating any deadlines and mentioning all relevant recipients if the email is addressed to multiple people

🤝 Section 4: Your Interactions

12. Conducting Effective Client Meetings (❓)

Your primary objective should always be to learn. Understand the client’s concerns deeply. Your sole agenda is to align with the client’s agenda. Ultimately, your business exists to solve other people’s problems. Therefore, you should be eager to hear what’s troubling them and respond with, “Let’s work on this and get it done.”

In a meeting, start by setting a positive tone. Confirm the meeting’s goal, gather necessary information (especially what you didn’t know you didn’t know, as discussed in Chapter 5), discuss the information and the benefits of your proposal, and establish action steps. This is a standard meeting structure.

Tip: Take meeting notes or ensure someone shares them afterward to maintain focus and ensure nothing is forgotten.

13. Delegating Successfully

The most significant step in our growth is transitioning from managing ourselves to managing others. With this shift, we not only handle our own deadlines and challenges but also multiply them for everyone under our supervision. When delegating tasks, it’s crucial to consider what the other person needs to deliver what you want, rather than solely focusing on your own needs. Here are 6 steps for successful delegation:

State the Big Picture: let the person who is working on an item know how important it will be. We all want our work to matter
Determine Expectations: talk with the other person, clearly state what you want her to do
Explain the Role of Others: given an overview of the stakeholders and the people that can support the person
Explain the Reasons for Selecting This individual: including the benefits to him or her
Explain the Next Steps: how to get started and the overall initial structure of things to do
Summarize What you Want the Person to Do

Every time we provide feedback on someone’s performance, we not only have an opportunity to foster their professional development but also to build a relationship that communicates “my job is to help you grow”. The tone of our feedback conversations conveys this message clearly. A common struggle for many professionals is the lack of constructive feedback. Be the person who provides what they need; well-delivered feedback is always appreciated when approached correctly. Personally, this chapter could have explored deeper effective feedback examples rather than offering a generic framework:

Start by addressing a specific issue
Seek permission before providing feedback
Provide context by painting the big picture
Identify successes and challenges
Collaborate on solving the problem
Establish clea

15. Giving Toasts

Very underrated chapter, but a toast is a unique setting. You are speaking in from of a crowd, but the real audience is only a person. You are telling the room the value he has brought there. Some simple rules:

Don’t fake it if you don’t know the person very well, nobody expects that. Just thank the person for his or her service
Don’t talk about you.
Avoid inside jokes if less than half of the audience can get them
Never go negative and avoid sarcasm
Remember that the theme is always how this person has impacted organization and their people

16. Handling Introductions (❓)

Introducing someone to an audience is crucial. You should prime them briefly because they will be the focus. Be original and personalize the introduction by highlighting 2 or 3 attributes of the speaker that are relevant to the upcoming discussion.

17. Facilitating Brainstorming Meetings

When coordinating brainstorming sessions, here are some tips to help guide your team in finding the right idea:

Facilitate the discussion with a scribe to capture ideas. Ideally, you should be the one writing down the points on a blackboard
State the problem clearly to ensure everyone understands the focus
Number the ideas. Numbers encourage participants to keep going
Prohibit criticism, as it may stop other ideas from flowing
Use wall space, ideally with a big panel, to display all the results of the session
Limit the session to 1 hour; after that, the quality of ideas tends to decrease significantly
Transcribe ideas and distribute them quickly

🦸‍♂️ Section 5: Your Leadership

18. Leading Others

This is regarding the next stage of your career, where you lead your people. Many managers have their own plan and framework, and all of them are fine since they worked from them. But what you absolutely need is a group of followers Without other opeople, you only have nothign b ut potential. Leadership is, in the end, the ability to connect with them inspire them, guide them. Again, it’s not about you. You have to communicate:

Your values: define them. Whether your statement of values focuses on integrity or courage or street smarts or anything else, you must phrase your values about others. Reframe to the audience’s perspective, e.g. “I believe in work-life balance” becomes “you deserve a healthy balance and to see your kids on more than just the weekend”.
Your vision: broarder than a set of actions, bur more concrete of a vague statement of ideas. Sullivan mentions the SMART framework to evaluate your goal
Your plan: how will your reach your goal?
Your actions: as a leader, what you will do will heavily influence the others. You have to give a good example to have others follow you, as they compare the words you said with what you ewffectively do

19. Showing Vulnerability

To lead, we must instill confidence in others, which comes from an inner sense of self-respect and self-awareness. And part of this confidens comes from showing your genuine self, which may admit to failures, embrace chance, show anxieties.

We often fear being exposed, but the reality is, we don’t need to worry about that—we already are. No one expects us to be perfect, especially not those we work closely with. It’s liberating to admit when we’re wrong or unsure about something. Another common fear is rejection: however, the more people understand the authentic you, the more they’ll see that you’re not fundamentally different from them as a whole person. When others genuinely know who you are, rejection becomes less likely.